Seattle Sucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin regretfully pass on publishing a recent “piece” by Ari Hoffman in the city’s elite subterranean paper, Mechanical Freak, and an extremely reasonable member of WE Demand SAFE Shopping (this is not a joke) tells Safe Seattle harrowing tales of rampant “robbery” (shoplifting) at their local Safeway, where we learn no cut of meat is safe from pillage and no employee willing to die for the cause of loss prevention. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin discuss burger failson Saul Spady’s inability to procure the usual salmon breakfast at his favorite Capitol Hill restaurant on account of having bad politics, a much needed showcase on dangerous rhetoric w/r/t the unhoused featuring the turgid documentary “Seattle is Dying” from Citations Needed, the ease and simplicity of going back to school on public transit, a broken contract and the continued dependence on the kindness of strangers for the beleaguered First Avenue streetcar project, and a Class War double feature at The Beacon.

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by co-chair of the Seattle Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), Captain Maddie, to contemplate the existence of law when drinking The Claw, Elizabeth Warren’s kowtow to our “progressive” mayor, the recent rescinding of funding from FEMA for helping the unhoused in King County, and a mistrial after a jury breaks on “political lines” in the cases related to the Milo shooting incident. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by co-chair of the Seattle Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), Captain Maddie, to talk about the recent national DSA convention, Shaun Scott’s primary win and campaign in the general, the extremely cool city council candidate (not at all a malleable shapeshifting extraterrestrial excavated from a tomb of Antarctic ice) Alex Pederson, and the Political Action Committee (PAC) money that backs him, and stories from the incredible talents showcased in Candidate Survivor.

(Former Captain) Greg, (Captain) Brian, and Colin are joined by once (and future?) Razr owners Mary Anne and Chuy to first mutiny, and then to talk all things Texas: from the possibly polluted groundwaters of tank possessing Lubbock, to our favorite political phenomenon Beto, to shady political dealings and run ins with Agents of Alcohol in San Antonio, and a shocking trip to Dallas (or close enough) in 2008. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk about customer delight and mechanized spider robots in Amazon fulfillment centers, terrible jobs at call centers and on set, and the latest howl from heckin’ werepupper, Jason Rantz, about Sawant’s singular responsibility and failure to keep Capitol Hill’s Williams Place park “clean” (of the unhoused).

Greg, Brian, and Colin discuss the transfer of the public to the private with the announcement of the sale of the Mercer Mega Block, and an unduly credulous article in the Seattle Times about the city’s war of terror against “vehicle ranching,” the “vehicle ranchers” that run them, and the people living inside those vehicles. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk about the Falling Down commuter, a.k.a Our Lady of the Bus Lane, before diving into a Geekwire interview of the Greatest Seattle Partner that suggests the city is awesome and there’s plenty of growth to sell.

Greg, Brian, and Colin witness the shotgun wedding of ED-209 and Jenny, Your Digital Mayor, before digging into the prospect of fare enforcement on street cars (for safety, of course), and the Platty Wagon rolls in to deliver more heartwarming cop content about fearful teachers, horned up School Resource Officers, and dead eyed child soldiers. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin enumerate “50 Ways to Boot the Seattle City Council” before discussing K-Pop, photoshopped political flyers from Moms for Seattle, living an idyllic life in the Stacks, Ron & Don: Podcasters and Real Estate magnates, and the contentious nationalistic beauty of the accursed Blue Angels.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk televsion, the eradication of printed newspapers from our favorite Third Place, Starbucks, flying Frenchmen and Amazon drones, and a very special opinion piece in the Seattle Times about Civility, or maybe cars, or…something? Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin begin with groundbreaking and unique movie analysis before moving onto the latest braying from David Horsey in the Seattle Times, Mayor Jenny Durkan’s unexpected but chiefly centrist endorsement in the District 2 race ahead of the August 6th primary (which predictably exploded in her face), the progressive image versus the conservative reality of Seattle, and a Platty Wagon wherein we #respectthepolice.

Greg, Brian, and Colin are visited by a spirit before talking about the latest developments in the Sugary Beverage Tax (or more accurately how the money will be used), the uniquely incredible strides toward reform that the Seattle Police Department (SPD) have made, and a bone-chilling opinion in the Seattle Times from erstwhile mayor, Tim Burgess. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

For those in the Seattle area, Seattle Sucks is co-sponsoring a fundraiser for RAICES at The Beer Authority on Lake City Way on August 10th at 6pm. Come out and show your support, bid in the silent auction and play some bar trivia. Get yourself on the inaugural Seattle Sucks cruise or just come by to tell us how bad our audio quality is. Come do all these things and give money to provide the vital legal defense that immigrants need right now.

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by Codename Tanya, Esq., to get maritime legal advice before diving into how an alleged crime becomes an inmate, and all of the wonderful things that can occur inbetween (like bail, and voir dire, or jury selection).

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by friend of the show Brynn Roth to talk about an oddly broached mediation between Safe Seattle’s David Preston and Spek, and a deeply libidinal fever dream about Megan Rapinoe, her body, and what it might do to President Cheeto published under the guise of an op-ed in Crosscut. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

In this episode liberated from behind The Paywall, Greg, Brian, and Colin talk sparkler bombs, the degradation of hiking trails by literal and metaphorical feces, the latest bad news for Boeing, and the Seattle Times Editorial Board desperately fights against ADUs. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by friend of the show Brynn Roth to talk about the makings of a Good Man, and to dive into Katie Herzog’s defense of Andy Ngo given his recent experience with Antifa in the City of Roses. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by friends of the show, Brynn Roth and Ben Udashen, to briefly read lost poetry, but more importantly to discuss the professional care of children in Seattle today, and how we got there.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk sparkler bombs, the degradation of hiking trails by literal and metaphorical feces, the latest bad news for Boeing, and the Seattle Times Editorial Board desperately fights against ADUs. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin discuss patriotism, a great barbecue boycott debate at Jack’s featuring Spek, the Hoffather, and Jason Rantz, great developments in race science and the prospect of stolen elections from Safe Seattle, and a new piece in the Picayune, “Seattle and Its Discontents.”

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk to the delightful Bjørn, a.k.a Fleksor, to talk about the city’s beloved and benign murals, and a call for a return to wonderment from the art collective known only as Electric Coffin. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by the hilarious and talented Bjørn, a.k.a. Fleksor, to talk about a failing municipality on Lake Washington’s Golden Coast and the concomitant threat of taxation the failure imposes, and Mayor Jenny Durkan delivers more Jobs to the alter of Technology (in Apple, and Expedia).

Greg, Brian, and Colin fall logic first into an infinitely dense and completely smooth Herzog Hole, talk about the many successes of the Sweetened Beverage Tax, and a recent spat about bike lanes in the city. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk Wallyhood, a recent Seattle Times editorial detailing the extraordinary bravery and generosity exhibited by local philanthropists and business towards helping the homeless, and Mayor Durkan’s war on RVs.

Greg, Brian, and Colin continue their conversation with Dr. Kevin McKenna to talk about the pink washing of American imperialism, the corporate capture of Pride, and the impulse of modern Liberals to co-opt the success of political movements when convenient. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by recent PhD recipient, Dr. Kevin McKenna, to talk about the history of LGBTQ political movements in Seattle and how they intersect with broader city politics.

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by Brynn and Marena to talk extraterrestrials discovering Charles Mudede, the company party that a small business owner and connoisseur of feces attempted to throw at Woodland Park, the refusal to materially punish Officer Poblocki, and sage advice from a Boomer elder in the Seattle Times opinion section. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin are joined by Brynn and Marena to talk sexism in the craft brewing industry, with a particular focus on Marena’s upcoming documentary, Girl Beer.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk the stunning defeat of an employee backed climate change mitigation initiative brought before King Bezos at the annual Amazon shareholder meeting, MacKenzie signs the Giving the Pledge, and the Seattle Times covers the consecration of a hallowed machine of death, a Boeing B-52 Superfortress, by Washington’s own Jim “Mad Dog” Mattis at the Museum of Flight’s Vietnam Veterans Memorial Park.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk “vigilante justice” and the escalating rhetoric employed against the unhoused, and the latest evidence from the Seattle Times that the Seattle Freeze is a force of nature. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin welcome Christopher Peguero, City Council candidate in District 2, to talk about the role of Democracy Vouchers in his campaign and the race at large, his district, how things are going on the Trail, and what might be accomplished from the inside.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk ballads, the recent reporting from the Seattle Times on fundraising in the city council race(s), and more bait meant for clicking from Katie Herzog. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg, Brian, and Colin blast off with Jeff to hear about our grand future as space serfs, and the thousand Einsteins and Mozarts that will entertain his great-great-grandchildren on Elysium (future Earth); and they dissect a Crosscut op-ed about a “swing back toward the center” from “THE conservative voice in Seattle,” John Carlson.

Greg, Brian, and Colin talk police (again) in light of recently released exit interviews from the Seattle Police Department. Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg and Colin are joined by Seattle Democratic Socialist (DSA) co-chair, Walé Ogundipé, to talk about his experience traveling through Colorado and California to visit and learn from DSA groups there, the Tax Amazon campaign in light of similar efforts (and victories) in Silicon Valley and the Bay Area, and rent control initiatives in Seattle and the state at large.

Greg, Brian, and Colin discuss Mayor Durkan’s turn towards Safe Seattle and broken windows policing with her unilateral deployment of “emphasis” patrols in seven neighborhoods, and we delve into the decline of the Stranger in light of Sydney Brownstone’s revelation at Crosscut Fest w/r/t reporting on Dave Meinert, and the recent “coverage” from Katie Herzog on the Mike Rosenberg saga.

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Greg and Colin are joined by friend of the show and local journalist, Ian Edwards, to talk all things crypto currency (emphasizing the rampant scheming and fraud), and its historic and current place in the landscape of Seattle technology companies.

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Greg and Colin are joined by friend of the show, Brian Platt, to talk police towers courtesy of @Bezostown (the panopticon), learning how not to die as a student by the hand of law enforcement, learning from law enforcement how to die by the hand of active shooters, living in the Future at the End of History (the age of Managerial Liberalism), and updates from the Innovation Advisory Council.

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Greg and Colin finally get industrious podcast magnate, Jason Rigden, on the show to talk podcasts (Talk to the Left, Podcast Questions, the Seattle Podcasters Guild), and the City Council race.

Greg and Colin agonize over Mayor Jenny Durkan’s capitulation on Scott Lindsay’s Top 100 in an interview with Brandi Kruse, and No City Council for Old Men.

Subscribe for access to all our premium episodes. patreon.com/seattlesucks

Greg and Colin suffer through the nine Circles of Hell bearing witness to the depravity of Safe Seattle, the madness of Christopher Rufo, and the cruelty of KOMO’s “Seattle is Dying.”

Greg and Colin are joined by rebellious creative, Justin Williams, to talk film production in Seattle, working for Amazon during the height of the Little Miss Amazonia Pageant (HQ2), innovations in company scrip from Samaritan, and Mayor Jenny Durkan’s latest managerial panacea: Micro-Internships.

Greg and Colin meet Scout, then talk about the End Times (Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, etc.), grocery shopping, Amazon’s Escape from New York, the “world leading philanthropy” of the Bezos’ Day One Fund, and a bean juice drenched editorial regarding homelessness in the Seattle Times.

Greg and Colin are joined by poet, Blabbermouth cohost, and staff politics/books/theater writer at the Stranger, Rich Smith, to talk about the Cronenberg-esque brain worm that is centrism, and to revisit Howard Schultz by way of his recently released memoir.

Greg and Colin are joined by their long lost roommate and host of Unpopular Front, Ben Udashen, to talk about caffeinated milkshake peddler and recently announced Independent candidate for President in the year 2020, Howard Schultz.

Greg and Colin are joined by Mary, a historian and local high school teacher, as well as policing aficionado (and our first return guest!) Brian Platt, to talk about the birth of the “Bezos Center for Innovation” at the Museum of History and Industry (MOHAI), transit and the city’s solutions in light of the “Period of Maximum Constraint” aka “The Seattle Squeeze” aka “Jenny Jam,” and more bad behavior from the Seattle Police Department.

In the first episode of “season two,” Greg and Colin sit down with Shaun Scott, author of Millennials and the Moments that Made Us, journalist, organizer, member of the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), and City Council candidate for District 4, to talk about inclusive cities, land use policies (“Neighborhoods for All”), and the graduation of local issues to the national stage (which includes a column from Christopher Rufo in the New York Post).

In the final episode of the first year of the podcast Colin has the honor of speaking with the impossibly cool, Cynthia Brothers, about her invaluable and vital project, Vanishing Seattle.

Greg and Colin are joined by local artist and Capitol Hill curio, John Behr, to talk about strange stirrings caused by parking lots, the formation of the League of Extraordinary Process (the regional “solution” for homelessness), the NHL in Seattle, Art Walk, stand-up comedy, murderous manifestos, the future states of Cascadia and Liberty, and an evening run-in with a cougar.

Greg and Colin listen to Brian Platt, local aerospace machinist and journalist, about the history of policing and its relatively modern militarization, the burgeoning cultural psychosis of fear and victimhood (much like that gripping American conservatism), and the Seattle Police Officers Guild’s (SPOG) recent contract “win” at City Council and what that means for the city.

Greg and Colin talk fire, the midterms, Paul Allen (for further ridicule), and Jeffrey’s new club house(s), otherwise known as Amazon HQ2.

Greg and Colin struggle through the endorsements from the Stranger Election Control Board.

Greg and Colin discuss the death of homegrown billionaire Paul Allen, and take on the takes (from Kshama Sawant and My Northwest, to the Seattle Times) in the wake of his passing.

Alex and Colin dive deep into Day One, Jeff Bezos’ opening salvo into philanthropy, bronze markers for fallen homeless people, another championship for the Storm, and the progress of the Innovation Advisory Council.

Alex and Colin talk Fall (it’s here now), the county caving to the Mariners’ request for maintenance of Safeco Field, innovative baseball themed solutions to homelessness, the Durkan Digest, C40, the threat of an NHL team, Jeff Bezos’ foray into politics, and the increasingly creeping terror of Amazon, especially w/r/t the treatment of its workers (robot, or human).

This episode is proudly brought to you by Homely™. We discuss the absurdity of the Innovation Advisory Council by way of examining similar efforts in Boston, and delve into Durkan’s neoliberal impulse to avoid systemic change via the recent announcement of recipients to the Tech Matching Fund.

Colin flies solo (without training) and tries to thread a narrative about stolen planes, smoke filled skies, the fight for the Showbox, the “charity” of the Pearl Jam Home Shows, and the black hole of displacement in Seattle’s new gilded age.

Mayor Jenny Durkan decides that Tech companies know best when it comes to solving the issues that plague late capitalist society, and forms the League of Extraordinary Tech Workers, or the “Innovation Advisory Council.” It’s, like, the future.

Greg and Colin have a big announcement, Spekulation parodies the municipal Macklemore lip sync, the looming destruction of the Showbox, the Mayor’s office bends the truth about the Streetcar project, the Mariners have a list of demands to renovate Safeco Field, the benevolent Amazon funds transit expansion at will, and the myth we are meant to believe about Jeff Bezos.

A special conversation with journalist, activist, organizer, and all around fascinating Seattleite, Dae Shik Kim Hawkins Jr. We talk about the political climate in the wake of the Employee Head Tax repeal, marginalization (in its many forms), the uncredited impact of grassroots movements, Nikkita Oliver, and the power of billionaires in local politics.

It’s the Ron & Don show, the Slog’s own Katie Herzog white knights for Jordan Peterson and in so doing provides enough rope to hang herself and Don (or was it Ron?), and Kshama Sawant’s week of wild rumor.

Mr. Wilson Goes to China, KIRO’s Ron & Don believe in Paul Allen and the Stacks, and the “great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity,” Amazon, “relentlessly jams its blood funnel into anything that smells like money” (this week it’s PillPack).

A new local currency courtesy @bezostown, Burger Failson, Saul Spady, defines 7 simple rules for 21st Century Seattle, The Atlantic groans at the insidious use of the city’s “Find It Fix It” app, Crime, or the lack thereof, and life at Sea…brook.

Alex gets blindsided on the road, the coming elections, and the state of the City Council, in the wake of the Employee Head Tax repeal, Desperado Jenny heads to the border following Brett Hamil’s Proximity Law of Seattle Politics, the agony and the ecstasy of summer in Seattle, and the Great Shake Shack Debacle.

Greg recounts a story from a typical Wednesday night, checking in with The News, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Repeal of the Employee Head Tax.

Everybody’s gone to The Collective, the travails of composting, and Jeff Bezos uses his Amazon Lottery winnings to industrialize the Moon.

Bagshaw the Copy Machine Monitor, the fastest growing city in the country, will they stay or will they go in the Seattle Times opinion section, and a nod to mussels with a little lean.

A James Beard for June Baby, the catastrophe that is Restaurant Week, adventures eating out in the city, “Governor…welcome to the #resistance,” Fremont Brewing Boycott, and a very special happy birthday.

The “abominable” compromise of the “job-killing” Employee Head Tax, and a new drink menu fit for Mr. Moneybags at Frolik.

Faustian bargains from the “future,” Libertarian candidate Matt Dubin, and the flexing of Jeff Bezos’ Amazon.

“Clever” solutions for systemic problems, #funfriends.

A nearly lethal dose of neighborly love from Nextdoor.

We hope you brought your wallet.